outer and inner dimensions -- Osho style

I heard about Osho a few years back and was instantly put off by the "Brand" and the mega marketing campaign of pseudo-new age books that followed his death. It took me some time (thanks to a friend N) to realize that this person was infinitely more interesting in his living years and thanks to the magic of you tube, I have seen that his magnetism on video reaches out much farther than his name printed in all caps on a glossy book cover.

that plus I dig his far-out spacey outfits and the way in which he speaks so slowly as if summoning each word.

Anyways -- this isn't a blog about why osho is actually pretty cool -- it's about innerspace and representing this space in some direct way. The video below begins as an exploration on the limits of science but concludes with the idea of understanding and recognizing the inner dimensions of reality.

the one and the many

I found this in an old daily planner and it brought back to mind a few ideas at that time that I was working with. I was facinated with the symbol of a triangle with a circle on top ever since I saw the symbol carved on a side of a mountain outside of Petra, Jordan. I went for a climb and found myself at a fairly high point in the mountain. Then across to a parallel rock formation across a deep ridge was a large carving on a triangle with a circle above it. I looked at it in wonder for a while, trying to figure out how old this carving was and how it was placed there. I imagined some kind of floating alien with laser fingers drawing it into the mountain side (although obvisouly that would be pretty unlikely). As I climbed back down I found some local bedouins and asked them if they had ever seen it. It turns out that they hadn't and were very interested in it, and asked me to take them to the carving.

I saw something similar to this symbol as I watched the movie Stargate and recognized it again.


The image stuck with me for some time after that and I thought about it initially as a mountain with a sun above it. Of course the movie incorporates many Sci-Fi associations with it. However, later I came to think of it a little differently.

In various schools of yoga or yantra an upward facing triangle represents man on earth and his aspirations towards the divine. I thought of the symbol of the circle representing the "whole" or oneness -- seeing the circle as representing "the one" and the triangle representing man or "the many".

Visually this was also somehow translated as the triangle representing a classic "trinity" of human relationship and the sun serves as a unifying force.

In general I drew this shortly after the experience of the mountain and seeing the carving. I think this doodle attempts to decipher the symbol. But another influencing factor was that on November 9 2005, the day after the doodle there was a bombing attack of three hotels in Jordan. During that time I found the approach of people in reaction to the bombing very uplifting. Rather than fear and disillusionment taking over, demonstrations were held which showed an insistence on unity and resistance into falling into the perceptional trap of terror which antagonizes and separates people in pain. At that point the "message" in the sketch took on a larger significance for me.

The secret power of time - amazing video

I came upon this video a little while ago and saw it again recently on the Creative Something blog. The original link is here and the site contains other interesting lecture topics (such as work motivation and empathetic societies) which are also illustrated in this graphic note-taking flow-chart style.

There are a couple reasons I decided to include this video here. One is that the sketches remind me of doodles, especially doodles one would take during a lecture in a class. Referring back to my blog post on doodling and concentration, the video not only shows the complete illustrations but moves through the process of illustrating while the ideas are being narrated. The process allows the viewer to experience the information visually at the same time one takes it in orally (as if you yourself were the one doodling). The technique of combining the various forms of input, visual cues, keyword note-taking, and audible information, allows for a powerful grasp of an otherwise complex subject.

Another reason I included it was the subject matter. Time is a theme which often keep coming back to. The theme of Time, as far as looking into the past, present, or future, shows itself in many of my doodles and funny enough one of my favorite places to unconsciously start doodling is in the margins of a daily planner or calender. It is as if the concept of time feels so abstract that a visual access seems to be the most accessible way of neatly dealing with it in the mind.

Relating to the video, I find myself often struggling between all perspectives of Time mentioned (Hedonistic present vs. Unplanned present and Past oriented vs. Future oriented). This could be linked, according to the video, to the fact that I have lived in many varying geographical, time-durational environments. Sometimes I find myself jumping between my hedonistic impulses and future oriented ambitions from one minute to the next (and I am pretty sure I'm not alone in this). I have often considered the issue of modern life re-wiring my sense of time and wondered whether my attention span is ever decreasing as a result of it.

As the video's narrator, Professor Philip Zimbardo, explains in this clip "Many of lives puzzles can be solved by simply understanding our own TIME PERSPECTIVE and that of others."

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automatic drawing and psychic drawing

I suppose the difference between a "doodle" and an automatic drawing lies in the intention. Both somehow reveal aspects of the subconscious and allow one to draw without a specific form in mind. However, whereas doodling can often be a byproduct of boredom, the passing of time, or a simple urge to draw without an aim, automatic drawing is a "conscious" attempt to access the subliminal.

In my personal sketches I tend towards both and now in hindsight I recognize when I had the intention to access my subconscious in search for a message or insight into my state of mind, or when I simply drew in a completely unconscious way, only to "wake up" minutes later and discover I had zoned out all over a random bit of paper.

According to the Wikipedia description of automatic drawing:
Automatic drawing was developed by the surrealists, as a means of expressing the subconscious. In automatic drawing, the hand is allowed to move 'randomly' across the paper. In applying chance and accident to mark-making, drawing is to a large extent freed of rational control. Hence the drawing produced may be attributed in part to the subconscious and may reveal something of the psyche, which would otherwise be repressed. Examples of automatic drawing were produced by mediums and practitioners of the psychic arts. It was thought by some Spiritualists to be a spirit control that was producing the drawing whilst physically taking control of the medium's body...

Most of the surrealists' automatic drawings were illusionistic, or more precisely, they developed into such drawings when representational forms seemed to suggest themselves. In the 1940s and 1950s the French-Canadian group called Les Automatistes pursued creative work (chiefly painting) based on surrealist principles. They abandoned any trace of representation in their use of automatic drawing. This is perhaps a more pure form of automatic drawing since it can be almost entirely involuntary - to develop a representational form requires the conscious mind to take over the process of drawing, unless it is entirely accidental and thus incidental. These artists, led by Paul-Emile Borduas, sought to proclaim an entity of universal values and ethics proclaimed in their manifesto Refus Global.

As alluded to above, surrealist artists often found that their use of 'automatic drawing' was not entirely automatic, rather it involved some form of conscious intervention to make the image or painting visually acceptable or comprehensible, "...Masson admitted that his 'automatic' imagery involved a two-fold process of unconscious and conscious activity

I can strongly relate much of this description, especially to this two fold process of unconscious and conscious combined drawing methods. Most often, if not always, I begin a doodle with seemingly random marks or scribbles. This continues for as long as my mind can remain blank and my pen feels the urge to keep moving. The minute of course that my conscious mind starts to think, as if stepping in to take control of the situation, the scribbles pause and I look for patterns or the beginnings of an image. At that point I continue the drawing in an attempt to bring out that image more clearly.

Sometimes I when I use automatic drawing I receive little messages as seen in some earlier posts and in the case in the doodle above this "message" seems almost to forewarn myself about the future in it's text, "Brace Yourself".

Ominous as it may sound, these apparent sneak peeks into the future come as a comfort. Sometimes deep down we can feel the playing out of patterns in life and we know things that we don't always want to consciously acknowledge, but bringing these intuitions to light can ease the stress of uncertainty.

Whether they some drawings are prophetic or not I can't always say. One relating example which comes to mind happened some years ago before while I was living in the US and before I knew I would leave to live abroad. I made a painting using an "automatic" process and produced an image of a figure, guided by another spirit-like being, being sent to a land with desert and mountains in the distance. A year later I was compelled quite suddenly to move to the middle east and later recognized that same mountain range as the view over the dead sea looking onto Palestine. At the time of the painting I had never scene this view nor had I foreseen a life for myself outside the US.

As for psychic drawing as a kind of mediumship, I also touched upon this in an earlier post where I described the process of "tuning into a friend" to make a sketch. This draws back to the point I made in the beginning about intention. Some describe a similar process with channeled writing, and I have attempted to use drawing in a way in which I sit down with the intention to receive a message or tune into someone trying to set my personal ego aside and allow another kind of "inspiration" to guide the process.

Once I sat in on a "pranic healing" workshop where we were asked to partner with someone, sitting back to back from the person. We were given crayons and asked to draw their Aura, or energy field around them. I can't remember what colors my "aura" was suppose to have or if there was any weight to this process at all, but I remember having my doubts. Just the associations with an aura can conjure pictures and colors. It's hard to really put all preconceptions aside (like charka colors, personal favorite colors, or preconceived notions you might have already about someone.)

You never know, however what can come out of this process. The following video is an embarrassing example and it absolutely cracks me up every time I see it.



It's hard to say if she was "picking up" something from him or expressing something deep down from herself!

innerspace

I listened to a interview on an internet yoga radio show called Yogapeeps today with the female yoga instructor Sadie Nardini.
Anyone who knows me personally would know that yoga has been a large part of my life for some time, both in my personal practice and in teaching others. Once in a while I enjoy hearing the perspective of other "modern-day yogis" even when (or especially when) their particular yoga style is different from mine. I find it helps me stay broad in my understanding of what's out there.

Today something in this radio interview struck me very deeply. Sadie spoke about finding your "core" message in life. This core (nice yoga term by the way) is basically the message you offer to the world by your very existence. This sounds pretty vague and vast but if you look closely at patterns in your creative life and personal pursuits, you may find that many roads lead to a common direction. She described her message and how the points she stresses in her yoga class and her marketing center around these points and around her central teaching. She also said that she can tell when a yoga teacher is "in touch with his/her core" when reading the description of the yoga class. This made me start wondering what my core message is, and whether or not it is being expressed?

I sat in my art studio/room and glanced over the paintings on the wall and framed photographs leaning against my desk. I thought about my yoga and martial arts practices. I thought about my interest in further study in radiography and the facination I have as a photographer with imaging the inside of the body. Then I thought about this blog and the "innerspace doodles" and I suddenly felt closer to realizing what i've been drawn to and what my subconscious has been expressing -- an innerspace reality.

I have been characterized before (especially in my earlier post college years) as one of those dreamy, inner world, slightly dorky, dark hair and glasses kind of girl. I resented of course the simplification and catorization of these labels and somehow came to a conclusion that "growing up" meant living in the "real world". With the years I felt my innerspace drift to the background and the "day to day" come more into the present. Reassing this now, I see that being present requires embracing both realities -- and that the "inner" is too often overlooked, unestimated, and not fully understood.

Science now in the "real world" has been confirming the mystery of physical reality more and more and showing how even at the smallest atomic levels most things are made of an almost immeasurable inner space. For me, seeing inside and making contact with this innerspace drives most of what I do and I find that many of my doodles seem to express this as well. In the end, I feel that integration of the outer and the inner is the point I keep aiming towards.

relating

Somehow this doodle looks more literal than others. There seems to be more density to the form and unlike many other drawings which have mostly androgynous figures, the sex of these figures can be deduced.

As to why my doodles often show androgynous beings, I'm not exactly sure, except to say that if there is such a thing as past lives, I believe a soul could have both male and female incarnations. "They" say that a soul doesn't necessarily have a sex but will often prefer to experience reality in the form of one more than the other.

It's not that I do it consciously, but in general, illustrating androgynous beings allows me to connect more directly to the figure on a soul level and I hope keeps the experience which is represented is then open for more people to relate to.

But outside of crude scribbles on a kitch "noody doody pad" which someone gave me once (it shows the outline of a male and female figure and you basically fill in the blanks), this is one of the least androgynous doodles in my sketch book.

One thing that does often repeat in the drawings however is the emphasis on the heart region. I have more illustrations regarding this which I'll probably post soon and maybe theorize a little more deeply on then. Sometimes i show the heart as a kind of portal or gateway, but here both figures are wounded somehow. I think many people regardless of their current relationships carry alot of pain in the heart which gathers over their entire lifetime. When two people come together to relate, they bring the sum of their emotional experiences with them.

with it

It seems that some of the text above was cut off this image in the scanning. I believe it says, "don't make me come over there." There is also a bit of text under the eye on the left (or the figure's right) which says "with it."

I drew this about a year ago and I remember it very well. A friend of mine asked for a/some doodles for a tattoo he was considering. The idea that someone would permanently ink one of these doodles on themselves, and that the lines could live on the skin of someone else who could also relate to them for years to come, fascinated and excited me.

After I received this email asking for such images I sat at my desk, tried to empty my head, and began to sketch something while trying to effectively "channel" a message or image connected to my friend. Somehow I know that this image is very much inspired by him, and in some way also inspired by our friendship itself. That being said, i'm not really sure how to interpret the image.

I don't think that this picture ever became a tattoo, but maybe there is still time.

Visualizing the future

Many of the doodles are like messages or visual reminders to myself. This is most clearly the case when text is a primary part of the picture. The boxes and arrows here often express the "planning" process in regards to future goals. I have a lot on my plate at the moment as to what I'd like to accomplish in the next 10 years, but what I don't have is a clear path of how to get there and what needs to be prioritized. The problem is that a mind full of ideas and not enough direction can easily fall into a muddle.

This particular sketch is a "de-muddlefier" (and yes, I'm pretty sure I just made up that word). It takes points, determines their relationship and areas of intersection, then puts a box around them to neatly compartMentalize that idea. This kind of cognitive inventory can be found all over my notebooks, however, it's the text that for that serves as a flashing reminder.

"Need to consider the moment to determine the future."

Sometimes I forget that while I'm staring out 10 years ahead and wondering how am I going to reach goals, the path I'm searching for is right under my feet.

The other text here, "will it happen?" for me is interpreted two ways. It relates back to the whole fatalism vs. personal will debate. Will it happen to me or can I will it to happen effectively?

In both readings, the key to mapping out the futures lies directly in recognizing where you are at the present moment.

NPR: doodling improves concentration

I came across a story in the NPR radio archives about doodling. If you check out the link you'll find a audio stream that describes a study which shows that people who are doodling while listening to a message can retain 29% more information than those aren't doodling.

According to the story, doodling helps the mind focus, keeping it active, and preventing it from simply shutting down in moments of boredom.

I find this information validating, and in a way justifying despite all the dirty looks I've received in classrooms from instructors who have heard the quiet traces of my pen scrolling across my lecture notes with relentless repetition.

I guess you can call it an obsession. I tried to resist the urge to doodle during class on a few occasions. The desire to grab my pen was like an itch I was dying to scratch. I'd have to hide the pen from my sight, but that would only work for a short time because I would eventually notice everyone else around me holding a pen, and the longing would intensify. I would hear the scribble of students taking notes and convince myself that if I could just limit my pen usage to words pertaining to the german language, everything would be OK. I realized that NOT doodling during class became more of a distraction.

My last german instructor however didn't seem to mind it so much, I think she understood that it was my way of participating; either that or she appreciated my attempts to stay awake through the class.

unexplained phenomenon

... or how i learned to stop worrying and love the alien.

I love bringing up this topic. And although I have been guilty of indulging in a conspiracy theory or two and while I enjoy a good sci-fi flick now and then, I can't say I believe in aliens: only that I don't not believe in them. The idea of aliens are like lemonhead candies to my brain. Their strangeness is stimulating and they leave a sour aftertaste.

I hear a lot of debate on whether ET's are good or evil; are we talking "Cocoon" or "War of the Worlds"? Steven Hawking (in his random warning to humanity against making contact with aliens) seems to be in the latter camp. However, this sketch for me is more like phoning home.

Other than the little flying saucer dude hovering above the front two figures, the doodle could seem to reflect a general human condition thing. Sometimes I have had the feeling that like we are not alone, that behind the scenes lie little helpers and little troublemakers. I don't know if they are alien, or just parts of ourselves not limited to the world of form.

on all fours

When I see this sketch, I think of inertia, and how hard it can be to break it. I'm not sure what's happening in the middle of the figure, maybe there are some kind of knots in the stomach, a kind of debilitating fear that prevents the figure from standing upright. Maybe it's a cop out, a refusal to stand on one's own two feat and take responsibility for the future.

Sometimes I feel trapped by my own inner debate between fatalism and personal will. A lot of times I feel like I'm sitting back waiting for something to happen, I think it starts to become a habit more than a personal philosophy. Real fatalism requires being ready at any moment for anything to happen and exercising your personal will also expresses a rather dynamic state. Here, however, there is a reluctance to engage either way.

It reminds me of the "nine" on the Enneagram. Although I show some "four" traits, I have strong "nine" leanings. . .

strange days

This is a doodle that I feel somehow holds a lot of relevance to my life, but it's not something I can really put my finger on or intellectually understand.

One thing I can say is that people who see these creatures of ink on paper often ask me who exactly the figures are suppose to represent and whether they are a self portrait in some way. I think they all represent me, and different parts of me, and probably different parts of most people I know.

from now and again

Many of the doodles were made a while back but this blog is a great way to re-explore themes and images that have stayed with me all this time.

I guess I have a lot on my mind.

A Compulsion

Doodling for me can be categorized as a compulsion. It's not something I can always control, sometimes it just sort of leaks out and onto some poor unsuspecting piece of paper. This paper can be nearly anything, the edges of a german language book, a grocery store receipt, a used and torn envelope, the space around a sudoku puzzle, and sometimes the paper can be somewhat important, like a letter I want to send out or a bill I have to pay.

In any case, I believe there are two explanations that are not mutually exclusive for this compulsion. One is an attempt to prevent my mind from wandering and anchor my attention to some singular point. The other is to provide a mirror into my subconscious, where I am both asleep and awake like in a lucid dream.