relating

Somehow this doodle looks more literal than others. There seems to be more density to the form and unlike many other drawings which have mostly androgynous figures, the sex of these figures can be deduced.

As to why my doodles often show androgynous beings, I'm not exactly sure, except to say that if there is such a thing as past lives, I believe a soul could have both male and female incarnations. "They" say that a soul doesn't necessarily have a sex but will often prefer to experience reality in the form of one more than the other.

It's not that I do it consciously, but in general, illustrating androgynous beings allows me to connect more directly to the figure on a soul level and I hope keeps the experience which is represented is then open for more people to relate to.

But outside of crude scribbles on a kitch "noody doody pad" which someone gave me once (it shows the outline of a male and female figure and you basically fill in the blanks), this is one of the least androgynous doodles in my sketch book.

One thing that does often repeat in the drawings however is the emphasis on the heart region. I have more illustrations regarding this which I'll probably post soon and maybe theorize a little more deeply on then. Sometimes i show the heart as a kind of portal or gateway, but here both figures are wounded somehow. I think many people regardless of their current relationships carry alot of pain in the heart which gathers over their entire lifetime. When two people come together to relate, they bring the sum of their emotional experiences with them.

with it

It seems that some of the text above was cut off this image in the scanning. I believe it says, "don't make me come over there." There is also a bit of text under the eye on the left (or the figure's right) which says "with it."

I drew this about a year ago and I remember it very well. A friend of mine asked for a/some doodles for a tattoo he was considering. The idea that someone would permanently ink one of these doodles on themselves, and that the lines could live on the skin of someone else who could also relate to them for years to come, fascinated and excited me.

After I received this email asking for such images I sat at my desk, tried to empty my head, and began to sketch something while trying to effectively "channel" a message or image connected to my friend. Somehow I know that this image is very much inspired by him, and in some way also inspired by our friendship itself. That being said, i'm not really sure how to interpret the image.

I don't think that this picture ever became a tattoo, but maybe there is still time.

Visualizing the future

Many of the doodles are like messages or visual reminders to myself. This is most clearly the case when text is a primary part of the picture. The boxes and arrows here often express the "planning" process in regards to future goals. I have a lot on my plate at the moment as to what I'd like to accomplish in the next 10 years, but what I don't have is a clear path of how to get there and what needs to be prioritized. The problem is that a mind full of ideas and not enough direction can easily fall into a muddle.

This particular sketch is a "de-muddlefier" (and yes, I'm pretty sure I just made up that word). It takes points, determines their relationship and areas of intersection, then puts a box around them to neatly compartMentalize that idea. This kind of cognitive inventory can be found all over my notebooks, however, it's the text that for that serves as a flashing reminder.

"Need to consider the moment to determine the future."

Sometimes I forget that while I'm staring out 10 years ahead and wondering how am I going to reach goals, the path I'm searching for is right under my feet.

The other text here, "will it happen?" for me is interpreted two ways. It relates back to the whole fatalism vs. personal will debate. Will it happen to me or can I will it to happen effectively?

In both readings, the key to mapping out the futures lies directly in recognizing where you are at the present moment.

NPR: doodling improves concentration

I came across a story in the NPR radio archives about doodling. If you check out the link you'll find a audio stream that describes a study which shows that people who are doodling while listening to a message can retain 29% more information than those aren't doodling.

According to the story, doodling helps the mind focus, keeping it active, and preventing it from simply shutting down in moments of boredom.

I find this information validating, and in a way justifying despite all the dirty looks I've received in classrooms from instructors who have heard the quiet traces of my pen scrolling across my lecture notes with relentless repetition.

I guess you can call it an obsession. I tried to resist the urge to doodle during class on a few occasions. The desire to grab my pen was like an itch I was dying to scratch. I'd have to hide the pen from my sight, but that would only work for a short time because I would eventually notice everyone else around me holding a pen, and the longing would intensify. I would hear the scribble of students taking notes and convince myself that if I could just limit my pen usage to words pertaining to the german language, everything would be OK. I realized that NOT doodling during class became more of a distraction.

My last german instructor however didn't seem to mind it so much, I think she understood that it was my way of participating; either that or she appreciated my attempts to stay awake through the class.

unexplained phenomenon

... or how i learned to stop worrying and love the alien.

I love bringing up this topic. And although I have been guilty of indulging in a conspiracy theory or two and while I enjoy a good sci-fi flick now and then, I can't say I believe in aliens: only that I don't not believe in them. The idea of aliens are like lemonhead candies to my brain. Their strangeness is stimulating and they leave a sour aftertaste.

I hear a lot of debate on whether ET's are good or evil; are we talking "Cocoon" or "War of the Worlds"? Steven Hawking (in his random warning to humanity against making contact with aliens) seems to be in the latter camp. However, this sketch for me is more like phoning home.

Other than the little flying saucer dude hovering above the front two figures, the doodle could seem to reflect a general human condition thing. Sometimes I have had the feeling that like we are not alone, that behind the scenes lie little helpers and little troublemakers. I don't know if they are alien, or just parts of ourselves not limited to the world of form.

on all fours

When I see this sketch, I think of inertia, and how hard it can be to break it. I'm not sure what's happening in the middle of the figure, maybe there are some kind of knots in the stomach, a kind of debilitating fear that prevents the figure from standing upright. Maybe it's a cop out, a refusal to stand on one's own two feat and take responsibility for the future.

Sometimes I feel trapped by my own inner debate between fatalism and personal will. A lot of times I feel like I'm sitting back waiting for something to happen, I think it starts to become a habit more than a personal philosophy. Real fatalism requires being ready at any moment for anything to happen and exercising your personal will also expresses a rather dynamic state. Here, however, there is a reluctance to engage either way.

It reminds me of the "nine" on the Enneagram. Although I show some "four" traits, I have strong "nine" leanings. . .

strange days

This is a doodle that I feel somehow holds a lot of relevance to my life, but it's not something I can really put my finger on or intellectually understand.

One thing I can say is that people who see these creatures of ink on paper often ask me who exactly the figures are suppose to represent and whether they are a self portrait in some way. I think they all represent me, and different parts of me, and probably different parts of most people I know.

from now and again

Many of the doodles were made a while back but this blog is a great way to re-explore themes and images that have stayed with me all this time.

I guess I have a lot on my mind.

A Compulsion

Doodling for me can be categorized as a compulsion. It's not something I can always control, sometimes it just sort of leaks out and onto some poor unsuspecting piece of paper. This paper can be nearly anything, the edges of a german language book, a grocery store receipt, a used and torn envelope, the space around a sudoku puzzle, and sometimes the paper can be somewhat important, like a letter I want to send out or a bill I have to pay.

In any case, I believe there are two explanations that are not mutually exclusive for this compulsion. One is an attempt to prevent my mind from wandering and anchor my attention to some singular point. The other is to provide a mirror into my subconscious, where I am both asleep and awake like in a lucid dream.